Monday, February 18, 2013

Breaking Study Finds Long Debated "Kid Sense"

Scientists from the Academy of Sarcastic Parents released results from their Kid Sense study early Monday afternoon. According to the results, a sixth sense was found in the outerauditory processing system in children or, what the scientists call, the "Kid Sense."

"We were excited that our hypotheses were validated; namely, that children really do have a sixth sense when it comes to parents' activities."

In this study, researchers were able to document several lab-controlled instances of children sensing when their parents were in desperate need of kid-free time and invading that space immediately.  The following are three examples.

Scenario A: Waking Up Early

Mom wakes up at 5:30 am in order to finish some work before her children wake up.
She tiptoes to the office intent on keeping her sleeping children asleep.

Child senses that mom needs to get some work done so, despite the early hour, quietly pads into the room where the mom is and shouts, "I'M HUNGRY!"

Scenario B: Couple Time

Mom and dad get kids to bed at their regular time.  Kids fall quickly fall asleep.  Mom and dad head to their room for some much needed couple time.

Child senses that parents are in their room, without him, so instantly wakes up and runs into their room screaming, "I HAVE TO GO POTTY!"

Scenario C: Nap time

Mom is exhausted due to infant waking up several times at night and is in dire need of sleep.  At the regularly scheduled nap time she does everything within her power to get all three children to sleep.  The infant and 3 year-old  fall asleep quickly but the 4 year-old, using her Kid Sense, knows what mom is up to so intends to stay awake as long as possible either making messes or getting into various dangerous items.  After 2 hours, the 4 year-old finally falls asleep and mom drops into bed only to have the infant wake up 2 minutes later.

In an interview with Amber Sarcastic, CEO and head researcher of Academy of Sarcastic Parents, she explained how this would greatly impact parenting techniques in the future.

"Now that the 'Kid Sense' has been found parents can knowingly adjust their expectations.  Whereas before they ventured for one hour of kid-free time a day, they can go for 0 hours! There's no sense in keeping unrealistic expectations."

1 comment:

  1. I am most relieved to know that scientists have at last begun to document proof of what many parents have long sensed (with only their five senses, having long since lost common sense to nonsense).

    Thank you for this reportage, which comes as a relief to those of us who have long thought we were, well... subject to odd supernatural forces, the result in particular of hormonal (and harmonic) disturbances.