Monday, February 18, 2013

Breaking Study Finds Long Debated "Kid Sense"

Scientists from the Academy of Sarcastic Parents released results from their Kid Sense study early Monday afternoon. According to the results, a sixth sense was found in the outerauditory processing system in children or, what the scientists call, the "Kid Sense."

"We were excited that our hypotheses were validated; namely, that children really do have a sixth sense when it comes to parents' activities."

In this study, researchers were able to document several lab-controlled instances of children sensing when their parents were in desperate need of kid-free time and invading that space immediately.  The following are three examples.

Scenario A: Waking Up Early

Mom wakes up at 5:30 am in order to finish some work before her children wake up.
She tiptoes to the office intent on keeping her sleeping children asleep.

Child senses that mom needs to get some work done so, despite the early hour, quietly pads into the room where the mom is and shouts, "I'M HUNGRY!"

Scenario B: Couple Time

Mom and dad get kids to bed at their regular time.  Kids fall quickly fall asleep.  Mom and dad head to their room for some much needed couple time.

Child senses that parents are in their room, without him, so instantly wakes up and runs into their room screaming, "I HAVE TO GO POTTY!"

Scenario C: Nap time

Mom is exhausted due to infant waking up several times at night and is in dire need of sleep.  At the regularly scheduled nap time she does everything within her power to get all three children to sleep.  The infant and 3 year-old  fall asleep quickly but the 4 year-old, using her Kid Sense, knows what mom is up to so intends to stay awake as long as possible either making messes or getting into various dangerous items.  After 2 hours, the 4 year-old finally falls asleep and mom drops into bed only to have the infant wake up 2 minutes later.

In an interview with Amber Sarcastic, CEO and head researcher of Academy of Sarcastic Parents, she explained how this would greatly impact parenting techniques in the future.

"Now that the 'Kid Sense' has been found parents can knowingly adjust their expectations.  Whereas before they ventured for one hour of kid-free time a day, they can go for 0 hours! There's no sense in keeping unrealistic expectations."

Friday, February 8, 2013

Use Stress Wisely

Weight loss is always an important topic.  I know since having Amelia I've thought often about actively losing the postpartum weight (chocolate *always* seemed more important at the time).  This time around, though, I decided to try a different route that doesn't include dietary change or exercise.  I chose stress.

Before I was married, I spent my free time eating when my anxiety went out the roof and stress continued to build. Not very conducive for weight loss goals.  Now that I have kids, I'm confused by the term "free-time." Pretty sure it only exists in the fantasy novels I enjoy.

A month ago, with school starting soon, I decided that my wardrobe (maternity jeans and a bleach stained pair of pants) was in desperate need of updating. So I went pants shopping.  Being in between sizes, I chose a couple pairs of each size and figured my body would figure out which direction it wanted to go over the next few months. 

That was before I started the Stress Diet. Before I knew it, I had dropped 2 pants sizes in 3 weeks. 

In adulthood, one must always expect the unexpected or you'll find yourself in the really awkward situations. Like walking home from a park with 3 screaming children and no stroller (because the park is only a block away from your house!), alternating between picking up your toddler, walking 5 feet, putting him down to pull up your pants, picking him up again and repeating the process until you get home, covered in sweat and cursing your now defunct pants.  

I think I need a belt.  

Any belt buying tips? (Seriously.  I've never bought a belt before.)

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Be Careful What You Wish For

God, Goddess, AND the Universe really want to teach me a few lessons in this life.  Either that or I need to stop asking for traits like compassion, empathy, and understanding of other people's life situations.

One time when I was feeling pretty smug about my successful life besides issues with anxiety and depression, I was telling other mental illness sufferers (in my head) to suck it up.  I felt pretty puffed up in my sympathizing-with-others ability, too, and let the Universe know it.

The Universe was like, "Girl, you really need some humbling."


I started having major panic attacks and depression, finally feeling the empathy I should have felt earlier.

When I was a young girl, I greatly feared having infertility issues.  After getting married and having two kids in quick succession (14 months), I was all high and mighty.  I got to know a few women who struggled with infertility so I tried really hard to understand what they were going through.  That year I said a prayer to understand these women's trials and try to be more compassionate.

God was like, "Sure! You're a hands-on learner, so I'll just...."


And then I had 4 miscarriages in 2 years.  Yeah I learned compassion real fast.

Later on, I was wondering what it felt like to live in poverty.  I wondered if people who were underprivileged were self-inflicting their poverty or what.  So I asked Goddess about it.

Goddess asked, "How serious are you about learning?" And I was like, "Serious, serious."

Punch. (This is all figurative, you know.)

My little family and I moved to the worst apartments we've ever lived in, surrounded by real poverty.  That year was the hardest year (in regards to living circumstances) I've ever had.

Finally, after hearing of a few friends whose children suffer from chronic illnesses, I asked the Universe to help me learn compassion and feel empathy towards those families.

The Universe said, "I can do that."


With the on-set of Andrew's seizures, and his subsequent diagnosis of primary epilepsy disorder, I had my fill of hospitals, IV's, neurologists, tests, etc.

Okay Universe. Okay God.  Okay Goddess. I think I've learned my lesson. I'll be careful when I develop next year's New Year's resolutions.  

But....on second thought.  I kind of like who I am now because of all these experiences.  So. Thank you?