I've been blogging for five years.
When I started my family blog (which I still have), I discovered this new world. Like Ariel in the Little Mermaid, my heart began singing, "I want more!" (I also wanted red hair, but I figured that would be taking things a bit too far.)
So I started a new blog and called it Making the Moments Count. It became my refuge, in a way. A place for me to vent, cry, and discuss tough issues. I began commenting on various blogs I enjoyed and met many internet friends who virtually held my hand during depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, miscarriages, changes, and parenting woes. I grew and struggled with a burgeoning new perspective on life. I shifted, transformed, and felt frightened by new feelings and ideas. During this period, I met the sea witch.
The original tale of The Little Mermaid* is a cautionary tale of trading one life for another and the unforeseen consequences of doing so. While it's a bit more gristly, I find it beautiful. As I've traded one life for another, it has resulted in painful dancing and much heartache. It has also meant embracing my wildish nature - something Clarissa Estes eloquently discusses in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves.
Part of trading one life meant letting go of the other. For me, that meant shutting down my beloved space. This keenly weighed on my mind and spirit, but I continued putting it off. And then, suddenly, I felt ready. Ready to let go, ready to move on, ready to complete my personal transformation, privately.
I've lived much of my life in a dismal fog, wondering when light would shine through. Recently, though, I've found more chances to laugh than ever before. Parenting isn't easier; heck, life isn't easier, but seeing things through a humorous lens has certainly eased the internal pressure I feel.
*What the original Little Mermaid lacks, though, is awesome music. Under the Sea? Part of Your World? Classics.