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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Dear Grocery Store Women:

#1: Dear woman at the grocery store who looked at my baby's bare feet and snidely said, "where are her socks?"

Yesterday was a tough day. After having all three of my kids wake up multiple times the previous night and then greet me very happily at 6 am, I was exhausted and barely hanging on.  My life as a stay-at-home parent is fraught with constant fights, endless messes, and incessant self-doubt. I am my harshest critic, especially in parenting. Instead of offering harsh advice, wouldn't a little kindness go further? And how did you know that I had socks to put on my baby? (I didn't, by the way, they had mysteriously disappeared over the week.)

I realize that maybe you were having a hard day and felt the need to look at me and my kids with judgment to make yourself feel better.  That's fine. I have those days, too.  But something that I am keenly aware of is how much we all struggle in life.  That woman who is carrying a coat-less child around during a snow storm, how do I know that her daughter didn't throw a series of tantrums while her mom tried getting her coat on?  Or that they even own a coat?  I don't. Instead of looking at her through my limited lens, I try to give the benefit of doubt.

#2: Dear woman at the grocery store who looked at me as I was wrangling my three kids in the check-out line and said, "you are doing awesome, keep it up!" -

Thank you.  I hope I treat everyone I meet with as much kindness as you showed me that day.

*****

Two strangers who said vastly different things. While one led to a night full of parenting self-contempt with phrases like, "you worthless lump, how could you go out without putting socks on your baby's feet?" running through my head, the other led to a day in which I cried many tears of joy.  Finally, someone recognized how hard I work to keep calm while out with my kids.

It is my goal to be more like grocery store woman #2.  Rather than more parental judgment in this world, we need more support.

Which one are you?

3 comments:

  1. One day while blissfully shopping with one of the grocery store truck carts that the children sit up front, down low, below the basket where your groceries sit, a lady walked up to me and handed me a shoe. "I think this belongs to your baby". I looked in the cab and there she was, naked as the day she was born. I looked back and there was a trail of her clothes.

    When she was 2, EVERY. DAY. at 4 was naked time. No matter where, no matter what. I checked my watch and sure enough, it was 4.
    After that, I learned to have any public appearances done by the magic 'naked' hour.

    I had a mom in preschool ask me what I did about the problem of my child wanting to dress herself - as I watched miss pattern mixed with pattern (stripes two different ways with orange socks and purple shoes) walk away, I looked at her and said, "Not a problem. One less thing for me to do. If you think I put that together (pointing at miss stripes and stripes)I want what you have in the morning."

    Most of the time I just assume a kid either tossed it off or a parent carefully chose their battles.

    You are doing awesome. Keep it up!

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  2. Amen! from one awesome mom to another. :)

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  3. I try to be parent number 2. But I will admit that sometimes, the impulse in my head is parent number 1. And I try to push that voice aside as soon as it arises. It is hard to do, but something I am always working on. Thanks for this piece-- very poignant! You should consider submitting it over at Project: Underblog! I know so many moms would love to read it.

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